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As we informed you previously there
are strong indications, based on sound statistical analysis, that the club is mired in corruption. Essentially it is believed that a person
or persons is/are attempting to ensure as many Superstars matches are tied as possible. We assume this is for betting purposes with
ties being a lucrative earner. |
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With the corruption proven beyond any doubt whatsoever and those who disagreed "dealt with", the next task
was to work out who the culprit or culprits is/are. To do this the police gave us their number one detective who has never shown any fallability. His
name is PC Plum and he works on the mean streets of Balamory. We had a man we could trust. |
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PC Plum looked hard at the evidence and is willing to let us know the SIX suspects in this shameful episode, they are- |
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Suspect Number One |
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STEVE "The Colonel" MEYLER |
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The evidence against Colonel Meyler is long and detailed, the main parts are- |
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Appeared in the first tie and one since. |
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Steve was the umpire who gave "one short" off the final ball in the infamous
tie against Hounslow Leisure. |
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Steve needs money to support his dream,
Welsh Independence or at least raise enough to get safely out of England when the Welsh
are thrashed in the Rugby World Cup. |
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Steve's former Chairman status can exert
pressure on younger, impressionable members of the squad |
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Steve's hapless, disorganised appearance
is a disguise for a criminal mastermind (know in the trade as "doing a Boris"). |
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PC Plum's Verdict: I don't trust him further than Paul Gaught could throw him but we're not sure if he's "doing a Boris"
or is that disorganised - althoguh to be that disorganised seems unlikely. More surveilance required. |
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Suspect Number Two |
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Vijay "Misses" ANAND |
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The evidence against Mrs Anand is long and detailed, the main parts are- |
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Appeared in the first tie and has appeared in five overall. |
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Vijay was the batsman who ran "one short" off the final ball in the infamous
tie against Hounslow Leisure. |
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Joined the club in 2012, when these ties started happening.
His debut was the first tie in the sequence. |
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A suspiciously high number of holidays. |
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The high numer of games Vijay plays implies he is professional and has no other job. |
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PC Plum's Verdict: His "light hearted" response on facebook could well be cover for a criminal network - known as the "Lance Armstrong defence".
I recommend he spends some money on a good lawyer. |
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Suspect Number Three |
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Mike "Scarlet Woman" TAYLOR |
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The evidence against Scarlet Taylor is long and detailed, the main parts are- |
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Has played in two of the tied matches. |
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His retirement, which seemed suspiciously early
and to a suspiciously costly area of the country, occured in 2012 just as the money was rolling in.. |
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His senior status in the club has made him feel "untouchable". |
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Fielding at point allows him to dictate the fielding performance
while his age allow the odd delibate "slip" to sneak through corruption detection. |
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It is possible his extra time available, now retired, can be used in the criminal underworld. |
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PC Plum's Verdict: Clearly a dodgy character with new unexplained wealth - I don't think professional scarecrow work pays the bills as well as an Indian bookmaker. |
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Suspect Number Four |
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Barry "The Professor" GIGG |
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The evidence against Professor Gigg is long and detailed, the main parts are- |
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Played in five of the corrupted matches. |
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More than simply a player, as captain he has the ability to manipulate
the game through fielding positions, batting orders or giving Paul Gaught a bowl.. |
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His club legend status in the club has made him feel this is his rightful pay back. |
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His early retirement and expensive habits have to be paid for somehow. |
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His fitness at such an age may have been caused performance enhancing drugs paid for by the corruption. |
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PC Plum's Verdict: Probably the best person to target if wanting to fix a game, and vulnerable. He should be watched very closely,
as his image as a "bastion of the game" would be perfect for a fixer. |
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Suspect Number Five |
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Rick "The Reverend" SMITH |
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The evidence against Reverend Smith is long and detailed, the main parts are- |
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Played in five of the corrupted matches - the other was
before he joined the club so may be a red herring. |
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As an all rounder he has the means to affect the game in both innings - often towards the end.. |
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Rick was determined to get one tie he went against the spirit of the game, according to Dodgers, in the infamous
tie against them in 2013.. |
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He's young, impressionable and probably has an expensive alcohol, drugs and women lifestyle to fund. |
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As a right-winger he's unlikely to can about the well being of his "comrades" when a quid are to be earned. |
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PC Plum's Verdict: Definite money motive and the ability to effect the game at key points mean he is clearly a potential culprit. |
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Suspect Number Six |
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Roy "The Peacock" VARGHESE |
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The evidence against Peacock Varghese is long and detailed, the main parts are- |
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Played in four
of the corrupted matches. |
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As an opening
bowler he often sets the tone for the innings. |
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Police work is essentially about using common phrases, like "it's "always the quiet ones". |
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Seems to make a lot of trips to the Indian sub continent. |
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Because i needed 6 people to fit the cluedo thing. |
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PC Plum's Verdict: Definite money motive and the ability to effect the game at key points mean he is
clearly a potential culprit. |
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